Santa recap
Merry Christmas, everyone!
For those who haven't signed up for my free newsletter, I figured I would post this for you. They are excerpts from Santa's trip log from last night.
TRIP LOG 3752-4T
0:00: Santa takes flight with full sleigh of toys, seven tiny reindeer and a gas/electric hybrid engine. In the waning hours of Christmas Eve, negotiations broke down between Santa and Blitzen’s agent on a contract extension.
One hour, 24 minutes: Calls Mrs. Claus to report no problems with flight plan and asks about weather conditions. Faces serious roaming charges as call takes place over Tajikistan.
2:36: Takes call from President Bush, tells him that the lyrics may say “he sees you when you’re sleeping, he knows when you’re awake,” but that doesn’t mean he knows Osama Bin Laden’s whereabouts. And no, he hasn’t seen any weapons of mass destruction, either.
3:24: Visits soldiers in Iraq, tells them they are the real heroes, asks half dozen of them to ride around with him to houses in Iraq.
4:09: Hears “Grandma Got Run over By a Reindeer” on the radio, proclaims it to be total lies, turns off radio.
5:21: While landing on a house in Dublin, Ireland, on-board flight attendant scolds him for not bringing seat to full-and-upright position.
6:53: Dozes off briefly during long trip over Atlantic Ocean, wakes up as sleigh is crashing in Sao Paulo, Brazil. OnStar calls after airbag deploys. Santa assures them that his sleigh is OK, and so is he. “I bumped my head and I was a little disoriented for a minute,” he says. “I’ll still be able to hide all the Easter eggs.”
8:01: Mrs. Claus calls to tell Santa that her mother will not be visiting as planned. Spirits raised, Santa makes up for the time he lost during crash. Puts radio back on, hears Britney Spears singing Christmas song, turns radio off.
9:11: Begins to eat some more cookies that were left out for him, but stops when he sees his reflection in a mirror. Decides wearing red makes him look fat. Reminds himself to ask Mrs. Claus if black clothing “is thinning.”
10:53: Finishes trip in Hawaii, where Mrs. Claus is waiting for him with a drink. They celebrate another successful voyage and head to church to celebrate the birth of Jesus.