Humor Me

AP

He apologized to fans, kids, teammates, coaches and his family. But uh ... isn't something kind of huge missing? What about the dogs he killed? If you're truly contrite about your cruel actions, you can't leave out that apology.

As for some other parts of the apology, here is the real-world translator:

"I was ashamed and totally disappointed in myself ..."

That I got caught.

"I take full responsibility for my actions."

As of about a week ago. Before that I just denied everything until I realized that I could go to prison for a long time.

"I feel like we all make mistakes. It's just that I made a mistake ..."

In getting caught. (Yes, we all make mistakes. But a mistake is getting drunk in a bar and getting in a fight. Or doing something stupid once or twice. But Vick participated in dogfighting for six years. Six years is not a mistake, it's a conscious decision.)

"Dogfighting is a terrible thing, and I did reject it."

When I got caught.

"So I got a lot of down time, a lot of time to think about my actions and what I've done and how to make Michael Vick a better person."

I'm speaking in the third person for some bizarre reason that makes many pro athletes do this. Maybe because it's more painful to attach "I" to such heinous acts and instead attribute it to some evil alter ego known as "Michael Vick."